The sounds of our neighbours children playing, the smell of their afternoon barbecue subtly drifting through the air, my father mowing the lawn and me… sitting outside trying to write up a blog post.
It is 6:45pm on a Monday morning and I do apologise that the weekends post is late but I’ve been struggling a little with the content. It’s not that u don’t have much to say or in this case write, or to showcase, it’s that I have so much to digest in my life at the moment that time just flies, at the blink of an eye.
It’s quite funny, I feel like my life has become a little stale, but it wouldn’t make sense if I told you that, because at the same time there has been so much going in that it would feel almost impossible to hear me say that – contradicting myself really.
Just recently I was given another opportunity to showcase my range. I can’t explain to you the roller coaster of emotions I experienced when I opened the email a few months back.
I thought … wow ! Could it be … another go ?! Really !?!?!!? As I read on, I realised it was 2 opportunities in two different locations – New York and Sydney.
For those of you who don’t know – I have 3 fashion cities I’ve only ever dreamt of showcasing at a New York, Paris, and ofcourse right here, at home in Sydney !
This time it was New York and Sydney that had presented themselves ! As I opened up the PDF. Document with all the details and registration information – feelings of sadness slowly overcome me. It was like a big black cloud on a summers day.
The time frame was tight, but that was alright since I already had the range from the last show and I had all the appropriate materials and paraphernalia to handout and advertise myself and my label. But ofcourse, everything in this world comes with a price , and my financials just weren’t there.
I was deeply saddened by this, but I thought I never ever accept defeat without trying – I am a determined, driven individual and this way if it doesn’t work out, atleast I can say o tried without always having that “I just gave up and didn’t try ” guilt hanging over me.
It was quite a big sum of money to come up with and as mentioned earlier the cut off date was too soon. I couldn’t get a fundraiser together, a page or an event for contributions ! And let’s face it my rainy day fund wasn’t even going to cover a 1/4 of what I had to pay to participate.
Truth be told, I knew, deep down that no matter how much time I was given there was nothing I could have done to come up with that amount and that fast with all the responsibilities and payments that I had pending for a wedding and a house.
So I looked into other avenues …
Business angels etc. they also required time and paperwork, and time was something I didn’t have. I also approached a few people who offered to make big contributions but even that put together wasn’t going to cover it.
I pay myself on the back as I realised , and I told myself ” today is a good day, and nothing is going to ruin it former, not even if I can’t participate or even cross off one or two of my goal cities ”
There were so many thoughts zapping in and out of my head at the time, So many that even jut thinking about them now gives me a minor headache.
I never told anyone how many letters I wrote to fashion houses in New York in my last year of college for a fashio internship abroad. I was inspired by Whitney port and Lauren Conrad. My best friend and I used to watch episodes of The Hills and The City back to back. We both dreamt of that life together.
I liekwner my life at the time to Lauren’s. I was busy with my internship at Ladakh , then romance was born, and also being a stylist anddesigners 2IC during fashion week – casting models, photo shoots, calling agencies , making bookings, doing a bit of PR, getting in touch with magazines. All that sort of stuff, and that’s why I thought I was like her.
Anyway, back to the emails, some bounced back , some said they had intakes for atleast another two years and one said they had a waiting list which renewed itself every year anyway so o guess I would have. Even waiting a long time anyway.
So even when I say it’s okay and that I’ll be okay, and that there will be another opportunity, just know that a part of me did fracture … a little.
There is one crazy yet remarkable thing about me ( not boasting) but it is how quickly I have he ability to change and control my moods ( no I am not bipolar) sometimes when I am in a rut I just help myself crawl out of it and after I talk to myself and tell myself numerous times it’s okay and I’ll be okay and play the scenario out on my head from everyone’s view point I understand the situation better. I creat clarity within myself and it instantly elevates my moods.
Some don’t believe this but I do, and that is that
Everything happens for a reason
and I believe that this was a sign, it was telling me to accept a different challenge. It was a cryptic punishment to say why did you go on a break ? It is now time to come back or you’ll be gone forever, stay and okay while it’s all still relevant !!
It was taken from me but not in such a cruel way , I understand that I have to find a way to make what I want grow better and make I all work the way I want it to work to get it all closers to my goals and dreams.
I found a poem by Robert first the other day – the road not taken, or something like that. My situation sort of reminded me of my that . I’m always weaving it with something I heard a colleague say today – ” every choose has its consequence” and it is so true – even the good choices we make !
I’ve chosen this path, this life, this hobby found me and the creativity comes with it, like a gift with purchase. And only I. An help myself out it to good use and only I can help myself ofcourse with the support from everyone around me too, but the First stage – initiation , Motivation, determination, Passion, drive it all has to come from within.
I’m still on the same path but I guess we could say that iBe noticed a little frog hopping around and I’ve chased it to the lake to take the scenic route to the other side of the forest. There are different things to see and do on this side of the track.
Things may seem a little stale in life even when we are busy and things are chaotic but just know you will always get by. Things will always work out, now whether they work out for the better or for worse it is up to you what you do with the result.
I’ve written a few ideas down of more things I need to achieve but I haven’t fine tuned them yet.
I must say , sitting Out there, writing this on a note pad, it’s really lifted a dark and heavy weight off my chest – that and I probably have a million mosquito bites and that I am now typing it via iPhone so there are bound to be iPhone typos.
So now it is your turn …
What are your goals ?
If you get to the end of this post list one goal that you wish to acieve this year or even just one of your dreams ! I dare you 🙂
I really hope you all appreciate what I have shared with you in this post
x x x x