Epiphany | a sudden realisation | November You always do this to me

Bonjour Novembre | month of realisation!!

Status : Enlightened

I love this month because every year not only do I celebrate my birthday but somehow I always experience some sort of personal/emotional growth. Something always happens to me leading up to this month or during this month that makes me take a few steps back to brood over the year before the final month arrives !

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A light breeze through my curtain and a ray of sunshine peaking through the top.

This was the morning of the first day of November, 2011.

I’m a very open-minded person. A bright, bubbly person who is very passionate and determined at almost every point within life.

I put in 100% in my work – my Fashion is my life. I made it that way because no matter what I will always get back what I put into it, “Self fulfilment”. It is something that nothing can give you unless you allow yourself to find it and accept it. Let people laugh and judge as much as they like, but dream what you want to and be realistic about it.

I’m in third year, my final year and I love it. My collections and ideas, each and every one is a little bit of me. A souvenir of the many strange, loved, unique – priceless bits and pieces of my emotions and personality unleashed in every single one. The pressure, the stress, the expectations, the deadlines – It plays with your head. Whether you learn to accept it or not – either way it’s a choice you make. Are you cut out for it ? Can you do it ? Sooner or later you will be in a big world by yourself – no mentor, no lecturer, nobody – NOBODY but yourself to try and understand and to figure out what it is YOU really WANT. You may think I’m crazy, but this is the life of a fashion design student. It’s Tough. Endless hours spent on developments, designs, patternmaking and sampling – being a student, one goes insane.

I am pedantic, persistent and most of the time a perfectionist. But I believe that if you want to be successful you have to be able to be that as well as being able to contort yourself within a variety of characteristics. No excuses. Change in this industry is inevitable – Fashion never stands still.

I am not saying I‘m perfect, nobody is, in fact I’m that little bit crazy. However, We were created with flaws – we were born to be different and to feel emotions, to feel needy and lonely or to cry and laugh, to have tantrums and be childish, to make silly assumptions, yet to grow and embark on journeys around the world, to be faced with challenges and to learn how to conquer them.

And just sometimes we need someone who can provide us with the truth and tell us when we are squinting. Squinting at the world, at a situation, something immature, or something serious. That’s what friends, family, colleagues, partners are for.

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My life,the last 7 months changed rapidly. I started to become more weak and tired, my bones would ache, and my spine would cramp. Though like the famous Chanel, I worked hard throughout it all. Acting like nothing was wrong, like a machine, running all day. I remember wishing and wanting to be bored, Wanting to be able to relax and to lie down for a week and do nothing. Just to have the time to read a book, stare at a wall or into the distance – to do anything BUT work. I knew myself that I would never back down though, nothing could stop me unless I was stopped. Why on earth would I drop all my work to read a book ? Never was it going to happen, I wouldn’t do that to myself. Although I did something else to myself, made myself sick, by now you should sense that being the work-a-holic I became wasn’t healthy. Somehow, something granted me that wish of relief though.

A few months back I got told I had to have surgery – it never occurred to me then but it does now, the mysterious way things happen for a reason.

I’m not saying I’m thankful for being sick, nobody would be. No sane person would ever want to go through any form of excruciating pain or the thought of having to learn how to walk again.

If anything I was thankful for being able to have found myself again. Especially, the tremendous amounts of support I received from people whom I never thought would be there.

Naturally open minded, I squint very rarely, but it opened my eyes.

When you are down and tired and you’ve had enough of the world and everyone in it, you think that no one will miss you and that no one cares but in fact that exclusive personality, the job that you do it leaves a footprint within the lives of others. You don’t realise until you are sick on a bed, day after day, struggling to put your foot on the ground and learning how to walk and sit again like a little puppy, just how much they miss you and need you.

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All this because a friend approached me this morning and struck an emotional chord within my heart, all this because she cares. She knows who she is and I love her for it.

 

We all go through realisations in life, and this is one I’m sharing with you.
Some of you may not understand what this post means but for those of you who do or for those of you who know the feeling – you’d agree with me when i say :

“Hope isn’t lost, It’s just a tiny glitch in what is otherwise known as the longest journey you’ll ever experience.”

xxxx

Much Love, Yours Truly

RHYverusWORLD

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